Slagar the Cruel:
Coast to Coast
The Worst Redwall Fanfic Ever
Alternately "The Worst Ending of a Redwall Fanfic Ever"
Y0 brothas and sistas and all dose in bitween. (u no who u r!) This is teh finaly of my awsum fanfic. I no your all crying now, but i wanna right something new so im gonna end it. altho orijinally this was only going to be the ending of the 1nd book of 52. But its not anymore. So enjo.y teh QUEST FOR TEH BLADE OF PWOER! finalee cuz its TEH BEST MANS! JEEZ, WATS RONG WIT U?!?!??!?!?! Dont u no im da best by now LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOOOOOLOL anyways
::meanwile in teh hord TEHERE WAS AN ARMY::
Krad: We must destroy redwall. 2 long have those stoopid creetuhcres been dere. They think they so better than us WELL THEIR RONG! We will show they. They wont no what hit themselves? It is our time We will TAKE REDWALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL1!!
::teh hord does not care LOL I MADE A RYME no wate, i didnt::
Hordbeast: Who cares about redwall. Well just get killed in teh final battle anyways!
Hordbeast: Yea. Were just expendable. We dont even have names. Wats rong with this author?
Hordbeast: Its not like verman names r hard to come up with. I could be "Bloodgut", or somethng.
Hordbeast: The least he could do is give us numbres. It looks like were all the same verman here!
Krad: BUT WE GOTTA ATTAK REDWALL! THe hole story was about us ATTAKCING REDWALL!
Hordbeast 1: But why? Were endanjered specieses anyways. We cant just go and die out in some big fight.
Hordbeast 2: Hey, teh STOOPID AUTHOR gave us numbers. Wat an idiot. His own caracters can manage his fanfic better than him! LOLOLOLOLOLOLO-
::Hordbeast 2 DIEES VERRY PAINFULY!!!!!!!!!!::
Hordbeast 3: Um, bangup job with teh story there, autor!
Hordbeast 1: Yea... butt why shood we attakc REDWALL?!
Krad: Theyve got fishes there. And dinosaurs.
Hordbeasts: WE HATE URUGUAY!
Krad: Uh, yea, okay... well, Redwall is in Uruguay!
Hordbeasts: WE LOVE THE EOLITHIC AGE!!!
Krad: JUST SHUT UP AND GO TO REDWALL YA FREEKS
Hordbeasts: O, ookay!
::TEHS PEEPS ARE WEERD::
Kinspoon: Yeh, they killed me and Null just cuz were not tehre frends!!!
::Autors dont like vermans so EULALIA;:
::but meenwhile MATTHIAS and DEYNA THE 2ND and ROSE and SHUU and WINDWILLOW all preepared to defend Redwall!::
Rose: O no! I dont think well be able to defend Redwall. I have no faith in our defences!
Shuu: dont worry i kill stuff I SAVE TEH DAY I ABBOT WHO SAVE TEH DAY!!!
Deyna teh 2st: I dunno about that, Abbit Shuu.
Matthias: lets think for a moment. How many vermans are in teh hord again? 800 marlfoxes, 800 wolfs, 700 foxwolfs, 600 pine martins, and 500 wild cats. Thats a gazillion vermans. Factor in the ammount of vermans killed by Superstripe, and then factor in the ammount of vanilla wafers needed to defeat an orcish horde, and tahts a Infinitabillion vermans!
Shuu: is that... bad?
Rose: Uh,,, yeah?
Shuu: Ah, waht de heck. I kill stuffs ANYWAYZ! Slicety-slice!
Matthas: but we cant... we need help.
::meenwhile, foremole was laying on teh grass with a rock on his head:
Foremole: owwwwwwwwww! Hurr, can somebody help me up? Cluny hit me with a rock when war was begining. burr oh eye.
::but then, a fox came in teh abby::
Matthias: that sez a lot about our defences, huh?
Deyna the 2nd: shhhh.
Brushslay: greetings. I am Brushslay. I am here to aid u against the horde of Krad.
Shuu: But u verman. Dont u no that all abbybeasts blindly hate all creatures that rezemble vermans in tehse fanficz, only to be provened rong by teh verman's goodness? I kill you! I KILL STUFF!
Brushslay: I am not bad. I am not a verman. I am a good guy. My parents were slayed by a big badger many seasons ago. I will help you kill Krad.
Shuu: U seem trustworthy enuff. Pleez accept my biggest appologees.
::Then, Goku appeered from Dragonball Z::
Goku: hey guys let me help you kill vermans.
Matthias: This is so bogus, man.
Rose: Cowabunga, dude.
Deyna the 2nd: Mondo coolsville, daddyo.
Matthias: shut up.
Shuu: I LOVE PUDDING AND KILL STUFF
::tihs is why its better 2 have short cahpters. after a while, u run out of ideas and charactars go nutso. MEENWILE::
::TEH VERMANS ATTAKCED:
Krad: TAKE REDWALL! AND THIS TIME ACTUALLY TAKE REDWALL FOR A CHANGE THIS TIME!
Hordbeasts: Eye eye, captain!
Hordbeats: WE MAKE DINOSAURS EXTINCT!
Krad: Taht's much betterer!
::teh vermans waged war upon Redwall. They snook in the back and started attacking. Deyna the Whateverst slew 3000. Not bad for a dibun. Rose slew 20;000. She had a cold taht day after all. Foremole slew 86,000,000 with a handful of dirt he found nearby. Matthias slew 999,999,999,999 vermans. Brushslay slayed 999,999,999,998. vermans. Shuu slayed a wooping GOOGLE verman. Google is funny number. Teh number google was tought up by very dumb sientists::
Matthias: Oh no, teres still over infinity scores of vermans left
Rose: We is doomed
Deyna 2nd: All our Abbey will be belong to them
Brushslay: I am your allie. I will not betray u. I cannot help that I was born a fox.
Shuu: I do not care, Matthias I am. I do not like green egs and I KILL STUFFS ANYWAYZ YAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG
::Shuu killed another krajillionwillionbazilliontillionwilliam vermans, but was sadly hit by a block of wood and slayed::
Rose: This truly is tragic
Foremole: Yes, I think I left my wallet in a tunnel
::just then... out of the pond... its a frog! its a godmoder! ITS SUPERSTRIPE!!!!!!!!!!!::
Superstripe the Unrealistic: EULALIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA x20000! I am Superstripe, lord of Salamandastron, son of Rawnblade, waster of worlds! I willn't be denied!
::Instantly teh hord of verman disentigrated. exsept for Krad::
Krad: i must fite matthias TO TEH DETH
Superstripe: Go 4 it.
::Krad pulls out a lightsaber and battles Matthias until his sword is destroyed::
Krad: HA H HA I am teh best even tho my vermans are ded I will take redwall.
::Matthias throws teh mop of martin at Krad::
Krad: NOT A MOP! HOW DID YOU KNOW MOPS R MY WEEKNESS!!!
::teh hole abby had a party:
Matthias: so, ur a desendant of rawnblade's, huh, superstripe?
Matthias: *muttering* I can see the resemblance...
Deyna the 2nd: But Shuu was killed... *sniff*
Rose: Yes, it is ironic that he was killed by stuffs, the stuff he wanted to kill
Matthias: Um... how?
Rose: never mind
Superstripe: ATTENSHON ABBEYDWELLARS. Shuu is ded.
Deyna the 2nd: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Superstripe: yes. he is dead. in his place i appoint... BRUSHSLAY!
Brushslay: I am the first verman abbot of redwall. But i am not a verman. I am your allie. I am a good guy.
Matthias: WHAT? But.. hes just an obscure co-star! HOW COULD YOU PICK TAHT NEWBIE OVER US?!?!
Superstripe: I have unrealistic powers of logic.
::Superstripe hipnotises Matthias::
Matthias: o, now it is all so CLEAR!
Superstripe: Yea. Aint that a kick? Well, goodbye. I'm off to create a new universe, with spelll cheker buttonz
Matthias: Well, we have defeeted teh hord... but will veil grow up to be evil? Or even wors, so evil that everyone will say he is misunderstood? Only time will telll, my frends... only time will tell...
Foremole: U guys sux0r.
Matthias: this story was just terrible...
Rose: Hey, at leest I didnt die
Matthias: another low point of the story.
Deyna the 2ns; hey matthias dont get down in the dumps
Matthias: Why not? LOOK AT OUR NEW ABBOT
Brushslay: I am so peeceful. Its u woodlanders that torment us poor verman. We are forced into this life of villany. Why dont you give us a chance? So what if I stole a few of the abbeybeastses wallets. Tehy dont care, right? I am an abbot.
Deyna the 2nd: Good point.
Matthias: if only i could smack taht author...
::Haha, 2 late, Matty. I'm ending the story::
Matthias: NOOOOOOOOO-wait, the story is over? YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
TEH END? YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EULALIA
Doant worrie - next, is teh EPALOG! I cant wate.
Redwall, Slagar, and all related properties (C) Brian Jacques and the Redwall Abbey Company. All rights reserved.